I Hate the E-Trade Baby
Who’s more ridiculous, the E-Trade baby or readers of the Wall Street Journal?By Mark Kaufman
The Wall Street Journal has named the best and worst ads of 2008. The ad getting the most votes is that fucking E-Trade baby. Sweet Jesus I hate that baby and I hate that ad campaign. Sure Americans are suckers for talking babies and animals, but come on, I think that this is the absolute worst campaign of the decade. In a time of economic turmoil caused by speculation, easy money, fraud, greed and downright stupidity, this ad campaign feeds into the ridiculous notion that any baby, monkey or moron can become rich by with a click of a button, not by working hard, saving, managing your money wisely or thinking long-term. I still can’t believe that E-Trade continues to run this campign and I get downright incensed every time I see it. Apparantly the readers of the Wall Street Journal are not titans of Wall Street, Masters of the Universe, or the smartest guys in the room, they are in fact knuckle dragging cavemen that are too stupid to realize that their brand of unfettered, unregulated capitalism has shit all over them. Just like that stupid fucking baby.
12 Comments
Jim
February 2, 2009You’re an idiot. Plain and simple. Go take your medication like a good baby, you whiner.
Mark Kaufman
February 2, 2009Thanks Jim!
I guess your diapers are so full of shit that your eyes are brown with fury. I’d better not bitch about talking animals, moronic twentysomethings in beer ads and total douchebags, because I guess you have a soft spot in your pea brain for those staples of modern advertising as well.
Hopefully you aren’t actually throwing a tantrum because I hate the E*Trade baby, but you are in an infantile snit because of I think that the denizens of Wall Street are nothing but 2-bit hustlers that want the government off their back when they are making money, but cry to mommy for a handout when their schemes blow up in their faces.
You keep to your "market solves everything" ideaology. I hope you choke on it. And here’s wishing that your 401K is worth zero, that you lost your shirt in the market, that your house is underwater, you lose your job, and your wife is sleeping with the mailman.
Horatio MacBoarft
January 30, 2010I HATE THE ETRADE BABY I WANT TO THROW THAT LITTLE SHIT HEAD INTO A WOOD CHIPPER
Wendy
March 10, 2010I ALSO HATE THE ETRADE BABY WITH A PASSION. DIE, LITTLE FUCKER! I will never do business with Etrade because of how much I hate those ads.
Mark Kaufman
March 10, 2010As I remember it, one of my advertising teachers at SVA,the late great Patrick Kelly claimed that talking animals, babies and celebrities were the laziest forms of advertising.
In this case the talking baby is also contemptible.
Chris
November 10, 2010Thank you for posting this. Everyone I talk to likes that thing. I have the biggest hatred for babies and I wanna skin the etrade demon baby shit and have it roll around in salt. sorry that's a little harsh but hatred is strong haha. i dont even know what etrade does. except fail and advertise to a bunch of pussy nobodys. they deserve nothing.
Mark Kaufman
November 11, 2010Chris,
You're welcome. I hate the e trade baby and the fucknuts that created it. However, just when I think that everyone agrees with me, my parents come to visit…they LOVE the e trade fucking baby. Which of course means two thing:
1. This country is indeed fucked
2. I was definitely adopted
John Schnautz
July 18, 2012I think they should take the Geico lizzard and stuff it down the Etrade baby's throat so they can both die. Maybe they can fall off a building and kill the Free credit score assholes in the process.
GP
September 8, 2012That baby is a tool. What's there to like about a smug, condescending, mean-spirited infant prowling for pussy and insulting everyone it talks to. I wouldn't want to be around adult assholes like this, so why would I want to take shit from a shallow, venal day-trader who likely has contracted STDs from prostitutes, regardless of its age?
I bet the baby is a racist, too.
Luis Efdurmother
September 17, 2012so full of negativity! You sound like a sad individual who hates his own life. With as much as you all talk about how you hate things, you should realize that you have control of them… next time the commercial airs you should try changing the channel.
Drawmark
September 17, 2012Luis Efdurmother,
Next time the commercial airs at night and I'm in bed I'll ask your mother to get up and change the channel.
I love my life! And your your mom.
Raymond
November 24, 2012I absolutely hate those dorkish etrade baby commercials. So pompous and trendy